What?

This kind of thing really makes me feel ill. I don’t have much else to say about it, but…I’m just sickened right now.

The Health Crap Shoot

A couple days ago, I wrote about a diagnosis I recently received from my doctor. After reading this and talking to some coworkers today, I realized that my story is much longer than just the past month.

Two of my coworkers and I were discussing doctors not listening to us when we talk about symptoms we are having. One of their uncles was just diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, mainly because he ignored his symptoms until he couldn’t any longer. The other was saying that she had gone to several doctors before her cancer was properly diagnosed. One doctor she went to listened to her symptoms and then had the nerve to take her hands in his, stroke them gently, and tell her that she was just so stressed out and needed to relax more.

This all took me back to all the years between my teen years and now. Every doctor I’ve been to for physicals (and there have been a few since I’ve lived in quite a few different areas over the years) has heard my symptoms and has known that there were “issues” with my health. Because no one ever said anything about the symptoms I gave, I assumed I was just normally abnormal or something and gave it no further thought. I am now 30 years old, and I’ve more than likely had this issue since my early teen years (12 or 13), given the symptoms I have. Think about how long it is that I’ve seen doctor after doctor through the years and not one has ever discussed my symptoms with me. Not one.

“I think some doctors don’t really listen to women when they feel something is wrong,” I said to my coworkers.

They both nodded.

“Okay, but listen to this,” I replied. I then told them about this new doctor I was going to. She was recommended to me by one of our school nurses (who goes to her), and I immediately set up an appointment to establish with her as soon as our insurance switched over to include her (which is why I had to wait until January).

I walked into her office and said, “Here I am. Here is my medical history. Here is my family’s medical history. Here are the things definitely wrong with me. Here are some symptoms I’ve had for years. Here are…”

“Wait a minute.” My doctor made me pause in my list of things that doctors have always asked and I’ve always answered. “These are your symptoms?”

“Ummmm…yeah. These are my symptoms.”

“Well, that’s not normal or right. I don’t like that. Let’s do something about it. Based on what you’ve told me, it could be this or this or this or this. Let’s do blood tests to see if it is any of those. I think, personally, that it is this#4, so I’m also going to order an ultrasound for you. Here’s what will happen at that appointment. If it is that, we really need to get your weight down, but it will be hard to lose weight. Here are some things you can do to work on that.”

“What about my feet?”

“That’s next on my list. Here is a doctor you can go see for your feet. He’s here on Tuesdays, so you’ll get in next Tuesday to see him. We’ll get your feet better and then you can get to work on exercising more.”

“Yay!” I yelled. (Not really, but my insides yelled, “Yay,” for me. I’m ready to get out and do things again.)

“Okay, when will I know more?” I really said.

“We’ll get back to you as soon as we have the ultrasound results.”

“Okay.”

“If it is this#4, which I really think it is, then we’ll need to do treatment for it. Are you planning to have children, or have you been trying to get pregnant?”

“No. We don’t want children,” I assured her.

“Okay, that makes treatment a bit easier on you. Here are your options: Options, options, options, options…”

“Hmmm…I don’t really like one of those options.”

“Well, we’ll discuss that more if we need to. I just want you to know what might be coming up and think about it, okay?”

“Okay.”

I left, made all the appointments, did the blood tests, had the ultrasounds done (have you ever drunk 36 oz of water in just about 10 minutes? If not, I don’t recommend it. You’ll be going to the bathroom for the rest of the day, and five minutes later, you’ll still feel as though you have to return to the facilities to pee again), and waited.

Two days after the ultrasound, someone from the doctor’s office called me.

“We have your test results. As the doctor suggested, it is this diagnosis. This blood test was high and the ultrasound showed what she figured it would. Combined with the other symptoms you’ve been having, here are your treatment options for the diagnosis: Options, options, options, options…,” the nurse said.

“Well…what about this last option? Here are a bunch of questions about it that I don’t understand. I don’t like any of the other options, but I’d like to know more about this one.”

“Hmmmmm…,” she said, “I’m not sure about that. Let me look it up. Ummmm…I can’t find it. Those are all very good questions, but I can’t find the information to give you. Hmmmm… Uhh… Oh! Look! The doctor is standing right here. She wants to talk to you!”

“Oh! Okay!” I am bewildered. I’ve never talked to my doctor on the phone before. I’ve worked with a lot of medical facilities with my jobs, and I can tell you freaking hard it is to talk to a doctor when you have legitimate business with them, let alone just to get your own freaking doctor on the phone for a question. Usually you ask for the doctor’s nurse and leave a message, praying that they really do ask the doctor your question and get back to you.

“Hello, jess!” my doctor said. “Did the nurse give you the test results?”

“Yes, she did.”

“I’d like to go over them again in case you have questions. Here are all of your result again. Here are your options again as well. Why didn’t you like the other options?”

“Well, here are the reasons for that.”

“Have you tried this or this or this or this?”

“Yes, yes, yes, and yes.”

“Hmmm…okay, let’s not go with that option then. Here is the best other option.”

“Yes, I had questions about that. Question, question, question?” I ask her.

“Oh, those are great questions to ask. Here are the answers. How do you feel about this option now?”

“I feel much better about it. How about we try this one and see how it goes?”

“Certainly, I’ll get that called over for you. I also want to see you in six months, no later, to check in with you and to see how you’re doing. We’ll also just see how the weight loss is going, just to keep track and keep accountability on that. You’ll have seen the other doctor by then, so hopefully you’ll be gaining ground on that, too, with your feet better,” she said.

“Okay, then. Thank you!”

“Don’t forget to come see me again in six months!”

“I won’t!”

(Don’t you love how specific I’m being? heheh)

I have never had a doctor who listened to my symptoms so closely and immediately zoned in on things that were happening. I’ve never had a hint that I had this disorder from any other doctor, even though I’ve had the symptoms most of my life. I’ve been told in the past that some of the symptoms were just due to stress from this or that or the other, or that they weren’t really symptoms of anything.

I’ve had doctors I’ve liked in the past, but I’ve never had a doctor I trusted this much or one that I truly felt really wanted me to be in the best health I can be in. Even the sports medicine doctor she sent me to was similar in that he listened to my symptoms, what I’d already done to alleviate the pain at all, and then gave me my options and told me what he thought about each. No nonsense and with a “let’s get this taken care of!” attitude.

One of my coworkers asked me for my doctor’s name and her practice location, because she wants to establish with her as well. I immediately wrote down her information and passed it on. I’m paying it forward, I guess, since another coworker suggested my doctor to me. Since this kind seems to be rare, I’m willing to pass patients on to her, because I know she’ll listen to them and actually take care of their health.

Doctors like this shouldn’t be so rare. Women shouldn’t be patted on the hand or the back or the head and told that their symptoms aren’t really symptoms of anything, so don’t worry your pretty little head, lady. Medical care shouldn’t be such a crap shoot.

The New Year Post (late)

Since I’ve had so much going on, I really haven’t blogged much lately. I’m here to apologize and to say, “I’m back!” *waves at people in the back*

Christmas was eventfully uneventful, by which I mean it was full of family and friends and love and laughter but not much drama (which was great!) I was able to see my two best friends once again and start to catch up on things we haven’t had time to discuss much. I saw two little people who quickly became two of my favorite little people and my one semi-big person (my nieces and my friend’s son, in case you’re wondering what the heck I’m talking about) and was filled with gratitude that I’m able to visit with them but also a little sad I don’t get to see them as often as I’d like.

Our new (to us) car made the trip wonderfully, and we couldn’t have been more excited that we had a car we didn’t have to worry about breaking down somewhere along the way. (In fact, I held my breath a little in Altoona, where Neal’s car once broke down when we met there when we were still just dating. Toby, our new car, did just fine (although he didn’t get named until we were almost back home — and he was dangerously close to being called Misty. My friend Misty seemed okay with that, but one of the two of us didn’t like the idea. ), and he didn’t leave us stranded in Altoona or anywhere else.

Neal obviously got another part-time contract for this semester, so we are blessed to have that right now. He just put in for a summer class, so we’re keeping our fingers crossed that it will actually happen this summer. I had some great news at work, but I don’t think I can blog about it, unfortunately. Suffice it to say that I really feel I am being recognized for my hard work and the number of things I’ve taken on in the past year that I’ve worked there. I am constantly looking for new ways to streamline and improve the way my job is done, and I’m never satisfied. I want things to be efficient and easy: I’ve come a long way, but I still have quite a long way to go.

We’ve also been able to take in some theatre lately. I was asked to chaperone the 7th graders on their trip to a theatre down in the metro area, and I’ve never been more impressed with our students. We went to watch “Romeo and Juliet” and these 7th graders showed more insight and understanding of the play, the characters, and the characters’ motivation than the high schoolers who were also there from other schools. These kids are amazingly astute and are good at asking tough but interesting questions of those around them.

Neal and I also saw “Macbeth” at the same theatre, although I wasn’t as enthused about that one. I’ll give them a bye, however, since it was the very first preview performance. They do a preview week where they are still fixing things and figuring out staging, etc. but in front of an audience. I’m hoping that was the reason it fell so flat and was so uninteresting to both of us. Heck, the Sisters managed to completely BORE me, which should never happen in Macbeth!

Now we’re back at home, back to the grind, back to everything normal for a while. Work is work and life is life. I can live with normal for a bit, especially after the past two months of new things every other day, or so it seemed.

The Same But Different

Out with the old and in with the new!

The past month has been super busy for us. I finally was able to establish with a new doctor in January, which allowed me to talk to her about a few things that have been bugging me for almost a year now. I think that especially now I’m more amazed at how God works in our lives. As most people who have read here for a while know, Neal and I decided before we got married that having our own children were not in our future. I’ve never felt the desire and I was relieved to find out (before we started dating even) that Neal felt the same way. I honestly didn’t think I’d find someone who would be content to be without children (especially a Christian guy). I was okay with that, as you know, and was pretty hellbent to be unmarried for the rest of my life as well.

I met Neal, fell in love, and the rest is history. We still are content to be childless (childfree, without children, whatever you want to call it) and have nieces and a nephew (and what I call a nephew by friendship, since I found out how much I adore my friend Dena’s little boy when we stayed with them over our Christmas trip) that we can spoil when we feel the urge.

Anyway, I discovered that, according to my doctor, it would probably be very difficult for us to ever have our own children anyway due to some health complications, and in the long run, I may not have been able to have children at all. (My doctor told me that if I wanted children, there are things they could try, but since we weren’t even remotely interested, I didn’t get into it all. She did tell me that it would be very difficult due to the severity of the condition, which apparently I’ve had since adolescence. Good thing all those other doctors listened to my symptoms and concerns, eh?) The greatest relief to me, though, was knowing for sure that Neal and I are still on the same page and this was not a devastating blow to us. I know that some women find the news of this disorder to be life-altering, but for me it ’s just something I’ll have to deal with with as little hassle as possible — only because I am content without children.

I cannot imagine what I would be feeling if we did want children and/or had been trying to have children. Instead of being upset and dazed by the news, I was able to simply say, “What is the minimal amount of treatment I can have, so this doesn’t affect my life too much?” Neal and I prayed about this decision before getting married (and, I know, before we even met each other, to be honest), so we knew we were where we were supposed to be in terms of God’s plans for us. I think now I know why I’ve always felt content with the idea. I’m okay with this and have been for years, so the knowledge that I probably couldn’t get pregnant if I tried isn’t disturbing to me. I am extremely thankful for this peace and that I don’t have to deal with the let-down and bashed hopes that we otherwise might be feeling instead.

On a more “up” side of things, I also was referred to a sports medicine doctor for my feet. He gave me quite a few options and then told me why I didn’t want to do each of them before he settled on putting my left foot in a cast and having me be very aggressive with my right foot exercises. He also gave me a night splint that *gasp* actually fits my foot! (The ones I got from the last doctor didn’t fit my feet and made the condition worse at night.) He put me on Prednisone for about a week to get the inflammation down in addition to the other measures. So far the cast seems to be going well. It’s a pain to deal with, but I haven’t had much pain in that foot in the past week since I got it. (I’ll have it a total of four weeks.) We’ll re-evaluate where both feet are at the end of this month and, hoping against all hope, I really want to be cured so I can exercise and get back to hiking.

My other condition can be partially alleviated a bit by losing some weight, since I didn’t have such extreme symptoms on that front before my feet got bad two-and-a-half years ago. The foot problem — and not being able to walk or exercise for more than about five minutes at a time — combined with the other health issues led to some weight gain that I’ve abhorred. It’s kind of a Catch-22: I need to exercise to lose weight. I can’t exercise with the stupid foot problems in both feet. My other condition makes it tons more difficult to lose weight and much easier to gain weight. The two combined are ridiculous, but I’m taking the drastic (not so much, I suppose) measure of the cast for a month to see what happens.

So…yeah. I don’t normally post this kind of thing on my blog, but I’m really hopeful the foot issues will finally be resolved (and I’ve written about them quite a bit) and I’m really grateful that God gave us the conviction and contentment to be as we are — and that this contentment has turned out to be for the best.

Another year, another set of wishes

I’m a bit early this year for my year-end reflections, but I won’t be around my internet at the end of this year, so I thought I’d get to it earlier. Last year, I had just started what I thought was a fabulous new job, we moved to what we thought would be a better apartment, and Neal had started teaching a new class that he thought would be a joy to teach.

My job truly was (and is) fabulous. I love my boss and my coworkers, even if one of the most wonderful ones just left us (hi, Jen!). I’m realizing more and more how good for me my “new” workplace is, mainly because I am around people I enjoy, I get to work with kids, and I never fall into a monotonous routine (similar stuff happens, but since I’m dealing with so many people, no two days are ever alike!) I’ve also realized lately that one of the things I love about where I’m working is that, unlike other places I’ve worked in the past, I’m not embroiled in the middle of all the “office gossip” all the time. Every once in a while learning about the “things going on” around the building is nice, but since I generally deal with the kids more than anyone else, I don’t get tangled up in the office politics as much as I have in other places. Sure, I’ve had my share of run-ins with certain people that I won’t mention here, but I’m mainly not involved with all that. On one hand, the nosy part of me kind of wants to know some things that are going on, but then another part of me kind of likes just knowing what I need to know in order to do my job. I don’t get all the gossip about the students or parents or coworkers, so I can smile and say “Hi” in the hallway without wanting to throw up from false niceties (well, to too many people. Believe me, there are a few in each category that I could definitely do without seeing).

Our new apartment last year turned into as big of a nightmare as the one before it. Turns out the apartment wasn’t the issue; the management was. Since we wised up and moved completely away from those apartment owners, we are now much happier. Sure, we somehow still ended up with the noisiest upstairs neighbor in the world  (case in point: stomp stomp stomp up the stairs, we hear. “Guess who’s home?!” one of us will shout to the other. Bang, stomp stomp stomp, we hear above our heads as he enters his apartment), but we love the space we have, the view we have, and most of the other neighbors we have. Wanna see my “backyard”? Here’s Neal sitting on one of the benches back there, looking out over Lake Superior:

Neal looking at our wonderful view. I have one of him turned around to look at me, but I didn't ask him if I could put it up on here. Like the ore boat?

My backyard, complete with the bench from above and the lake, although that kind of blends into the sky, eh?

We even have a shelter house where we can grill out and enjoy our food (along with some grills around the property, just like in a park). We regularly see deer crossing our paths (three tonight, frolicking in the yard as we left to hang out at a coffee shop). We have a deck, upon which we have hung real pine garland for the season. It’s pretty wonderful here.

Neal’s job has had some bumps this year, but he did greatly enjoy teaching the new class. We had a scary summer where he didn’t work and didn’t know if he’d have a job come fall, but he was asked back for the fall semester (which led to a scary fall semester where we didn’t know if he’d have a job for spring). We now know he has a spring semester position as well, but I’ll worry about the summer and next year when 2010 comes. Until then, I’m going to enjoy the fact that things are okay right now for him job-wise. Not where we want him to be (not where he wants to be), but it’ll do for now.

My feet, oh my aching feet! I’m still having the stupid foot problems I’ve had for a few years now. I’m still doing exercises for them, still stretching them, still icing them…still dealing with the pain. Here’s hoping (yet again) that next year brings healing for these painful things!

And cars! Blech. We just found out yesterday that our only, last-surviving car has decided to leave us — or will decide to do so soon. Sully has so many things wrong with him that it’s just not feasible to fix really any of them. We’ve decided to just do it, just get a new (to us) car. At the moment we realized we needed this, Neal’s parents called and said they were selling their car — did we want to think about buying it? Hmmmm…we’re still debating it for the evening, but I think we’ll go with it. We know it’s been maintained; we know it’s in good condition; we know we’re getting a fair price. Poor Sully. We’re going to miss him, but his time of reliability is probably over. (And I’m going on record: I hate CV boots. I hate ‘em. La Uvita had problems with hers and this is one of the many problems Sully is having, albeit one of the two most troubling ones.)

Blessings for this coming year? May the promises the coming year holds wrapped up to be opened end up being endlessly joyful and lovingly bright for you and your loved ones. May at least one of the biggest desires you hold come true and at least one of the biggest pains in your life disappear. May you be happy in 2010.

Golden

This year is my “golden birthday.” I’ll be 30 on the 30th. Just a couple short years ago, I wrote about this and how I was feeling about hitting my thirties, and I can honestly say that I feel the same. I’m ready for it, and I’m glad to be moving on.

Another decade starting and another decade to learn more about myself and all those around me. I think I’m up for it.

Getting into the spirit

Neal and I wrapped most of our presents today (we only have three people left to wrap for: two we need gift bags or boxes for and one I’m still waiting to be delivered), and I’m getting excited about going home for the holidays this year. I’m going to be able to see friends and family I haven’t seen in at least over a year and most almost two.

I’m kind of weird about wrapping presents. I’m not a huge fan of regular wrapping paper and always try to do something a little offbeat with my wrapping. One year, we just used kraft paper and used ribbon to spruce it up a bit. This year, I decided to try something a little different. (Inspiration hit me at the store when I saw a few things that I knew would work.) This year, I used a little bit of ribbon and made my own to/from tags. I also found this really interesting press-on scrapbooking stuff that I used along with some regular stickers and one interesting 3-D sticker. Kids’ presents were regular red and green coordinated, while the adult presents are all blue and white coordinated. I’m really pleased with the overall effect on the kraft paper (especially the really interesting press-on things. It looks like I stamped the paper.) Here are some pics of my efforts (click on the pics for close-ups of the gallery):

I absolutely love the differences between the different kinds of applications on there, and I like that I was able to find coordinating items. Neal did the wrapping of these (he’s much better at it than I am), and I finished with all the decorating touches. I’m pretty excited to give presents again this year. I’m such a happy present giver (although I hate waiting to give them out. I’m impatient when I think I have good presents that people will really like) each year, and this year is no exception. Since we decided last year to go to handmade gifts (not necessarily handmade by us, to clear up any confusion on that), I am even more excited to see what people think of the items we’ve chosen for them.

Please excuse the ugly dates on the pictures. I had the date on there to take pictures of our old apartment when we moved (to verify when we took the pics), and I just never turned it off yet. Well, that’s a lie. When I saw how ugly it was on those pictures, I did turn it off, but I unfortunately didn’t think to turn it off beforehand. Ugh.

What do you guys think? What gets you excited about the Christmas season? What kind of present giver/receiver are you? How do you feel about wrapping presents?

It can’t get any better than this!

I was delivering notes to students near the end of the day when I noticed one of our 6th graders watching me in the hall. I waved at her and said, “Hi, Student!” (Well, I said her name, of course, but changed the name to protect — well, to protect no one, but to maintain her privacy, I suppose.)

“Hi!”

“How are you today?”

“Good.”

“Just regular good, or really good?”

“Just okay good.”

“Will you be really good tomorrow since it’s Friday?”

“Ummmm…probably. Sure!”

So I continue down the hall to my office and start working on getting end-of-the-day stuff ready to finish. Student’s mom comes in about ten minutes later with a dress and a few accessories for the middle school concert that was going to be right after school. She told me Student had called her several times to make sure she had the right stuff and asked me to let her know it had arrived.

I go down to Student’s classroom and let her know her stuff is in the office. As we are walking back toward my office, she says, “I knew she’d bring it! This is a great day! Today couldn’t possibly get any better!”

I replied, “Sure it will! You’re going to go and participate in your concert and do really well. Then your day will be even better!”

“Thanks! That’s right!”

We then walk into the classroom and she begins to pick her stuff up. “Whoa, I love this dress! These shoes are my favorite! She even brought me a new bow for my hair!”

I’m kind of tuning the student out and going about my work when I then hear, “Whoa! Oatmeal cream pies! TWO oatmeal cream pies! I LOVE oatmeal cream pies!”

I look up and, sure enough, she’s holding up two huge oatmeal cream pies (not those tiny little ones, either, but the gigantic ones). I smile and say, “See, Student? You thought your day couldn’t get any better, but now you have two huge oatmeal cream pies on top  of everything else.”

She agreed, grinned, and skipped out of the room to go change.

Man, I love working with these kids. We have 5th through 12th grades, and they all bring a different kind of energy to my job that I just love being around.

Pipe cutters make me happy.

I love watching This Old House and all of its offshoots. That said, I love when they use pipe cutters. For some reason, they just make me happy to watch them effortlessly swing it around and around, cutting the pipe through. I was wishing yesterday that I had a reason to use one.

I also had the revelation of why I don’t write as much as I used to. I work in a school now, and for the first time, most of the people I come in contact with are very internet savvy. I used to write a lot about what happened to me at work as well as outside of work, but now that people are more likely to “find” me? I’m just not as comfortable with it as I was once. I’m debating if I should hang up the blog space, since I’m not really being as diligent as I used to be about updating and don’t really write the talkative and in-depth posts I once did. Hmmm…

Family

The past few months have been weird, family-wise, which is why Neal and I are both glad that we don’t deal with all the family drama twice in just two short months. We only “do” Christmas with one side of the family and Thanksgiving is our time for ourselves. This year, I’m very thankful to have a fairly drama-free life up here, mainly because both sides of both of our families are fairly far away.

Just in the past few months, I’ve had tons of weird and not-so-great changes in my extended family. Neal just learned that his extended family, too, has been subject to weird happenings. Yesterday, while so many others were trying to hold their tongues and stay out of family fights (and many probably failed), we just had a quiet candle-lit Thanksgiving dinner for two. These are the days that I’m thankful for family but also thankful that I’m no longer stuffed in the middle of family dramas every other week.

That said, I’m really not looking forward to being subject to some of the drama in about a month, although I am excited that I’ll be able to see my family, almost all of whom I’ve not seen for almost two years now. I do miss the people, no matter how much drama seems to happen. We need to make it a point to go back at least once a year for an extended visit, I think, since we do see Neal’s family so regularly and mine only about once every two years… *sighs* (I’m going to stop there before it turns into a small rant.)