(you don’t pay for me),
Pay for my tattoos or buy me diamond rings
(we don’t want those things)
Let’s talk for a minute about expectations. Not mine or yours, necessarily, but those of other people. How much of what is expected in relationships is based on what society tells us we want? Perhaps what we regularly see through advertising and television, perhaps what we think we know to be true. Whatever.
For instance, and to get to my point, let’s talk about “Tell her you’ll love her forever.” Let’s talk about tradition. Heck, let’s talk about, as I’ve said, expectations.
Wedding discussions are popping up a lot lately. Just tonight I met my sister, niece, and mother at a local fast food joint to hang out and talk for a bit. My sister was discussing looking at engagement rings and wondering how to point them out to her boyfriend. She’s sure he’s looked (and he has apparently been caught looking at catalogs, too) so there wouldn’t be a faux pas of mentioning something or of pressuring him into a decision. I looked up from my shake and said, “I don’t want an engagement ring. If anyone asks, assure them I don’t want one, okay?”
And I don’t. I’ve mentioned before the jewelry that I wear and how it has special meaning to me. I don’t wear any types of rings other than fairly simple bands and find that rings with stones tend to get in the way a lot. If my fiance needs no symbol of his engagement to me, I don’t think it fair of me to expect some expensive symbol to take up space. Especially when I don’t wear gold and I really am not fond of diamonds anyway.
So why do people look at me askance as if I’d told all of them that, in order to prove that he really wants to marry me, I’ve asked a guy to club baby seals and then serve them with a light wine sauce at our engagement party? Why do I get the question, “But how will people know you’re engaged, then?” *wrinkles brow* Do people need to know that I’m engaged? How will people know he’s engaged, then? Do I have to buy him a gigantic diamond ring so he can flick his hand in front of everyone’s face and prove that he’s engaged?
I doubt it. And I don’t expect or want it either. No, let me be firm on this. I would actually dislike that. (And to those of you wondering, no, this is not a surprise to Neal. He knows me well enough to know this about me.)
Yes, I’m going to get those who tell me I’m this way because I’ve already had one engagement ring. Heck, I’ve also had a pre-engagement ring. What did they symbolize? *chuckles wryly* Money in my pocket from a pawn shop a little over a year down the road after the end. (And, all in all, I’d still prefer to have had my class ring over those two damned rings any day. That had meaning to me.) I don’t believe this is so. Those who would say such a thing must also admit that I’m very lowkey when it comes to my jewelry. It doesn’t really have anything to do with that. It has a lot to do with mindset. And how much I’ve changed in caring what others think or perceive. No one needs to know by looking at my hand if I’m engaged or not. Why should perfect strangers care if I’m going to be married or not? And why should anyone but me care if I’ve got a particular ring on my finger or not?
So why is it such an expectation that I’ll want one? Where is this perception that I’m odd if I don’t want an overpriced hunk of overheated and highly compressed ancient algae to carry around on my finger? Why do I continuously hear, “Are you sure you don’t want one?” when I explain this idea to people?
Yes. I’m sure. I don’t need a diamond to prove that love will last forever. When last I checked, marriage was a covenant. Not a quickly made promise. A binding contract. I believe that. And I don’t need that condensed bit of dead life form to prove it.
(I want to see you smile)
And it’d make my day if you’d just stay for awhile
(just stay with me)
What have OTHERS said in response?