Nicely fed up.

A little over a year ago, now, my supervisor came to me with a letter in her hand. “You have the nicest way of being mean I’ve ever seen,” she commented, holding the letter out to me. It was one that I’d written to a customer, telling them off in a professional manner and laying everything out for them to comply with…or else. *said with a very sweet smile and in the most courteous way*

I had never thought much about it before then but all the others in my department agreed that I am excellent at saying in curt, professional terms the following: “You suck and must see things my way or we’re going to have issues.” They all laughed and reminded me that when they had such letters to write, they always brought the issue to me and asked me to write the letter. I contemplated this, realized that they indeed did, and thought nothing more about it.

Until today. I am still the one in my department who writes all the letters that say: “I’m afraid that your thinking is incorrect and you must re-adjust what you believe in order to comply with Program regulations or services will be henceforth terminated”…or something similar to that. I don’t think about it much at work because that is part of the function of a team: You find what each one is good at and don’t mess with their genius. *winks*

But when it comes to personal issues, I rarely write these letters. For one, I can usually just say to my friends: “Hey, you know what? I don’t agree and, well, you suck and should probably re-think the issue.” We’re kind to each other in this sarcastic and loving manner, blunt and honest. *chuckles*

Tonight, though, the last straw was added to my “attempting to put together a wedding” burden and I became very angry at the church I was raised in. Although I have not attended this church for many years, for many, many reasons, I still hold membership there and was baptized there. However, because I refuse to warm a seat on Sunday mornings, they will not let me have my wedding there. Did they question my faith in Christ? No. The only thing they were concerned about was whether I would be physically present after I was married. (Of course, since I’m moving Canada-ward, I’m assuming they won’t want to drive the ten hours to get me and the ten hours to take me back every Sunday after the wedding. I know I’m not willing to drive it myself.) I thought about it and thought about it until it so thoroughly ticked me off that I had to do something. What did I do? I wrote a letter to the church body and copied it to the main member of the congregation who opposed the use of the church because I wouldn’t attend. Here is what I had to say:

Open Letter to the [The Church of My Youth]:

I recently requested permission to use your church building for my wedding ceremony. I had many good memories of [The Church of My Youth], having gone there until I was seventeen years old, and wished to add one more before I moved out of [this] area and Illinois for good. Unfortunately, I was reminded of one of the reasons I stopped attending church at this facility when I was seventeen and did not return when I moved back to Illinois after college.

When I was 16 years old, I became aware of many issues within the church that concerned me, as a youth at that time. I was upset that many of those within the older age group refused to accept any changes, even those that would help the church grow in the coming years. When I left to go to college out of state, I knew I would not return. I knew the church was dying due to refusal to learn and grow, to mature with its youth. I was saddened but knew that I, as a Christian hoping to grow stronger in Christ, would not be strengthened and supported within this church.

I moved to Iowa for college and stayed for my first job as well, a total of five years. I moved back to Illinois and began attending church at [a small town near here], where I knew some people and was connected with the youth. I needed a church closer to where I lived and was told about [Cool Church of Now], where I have attended since. I have always remained strong in my convictions and faith and have honored the covenant I made with God in front of many of you on October 6, 1991, when I was baptized at [The Church of My Youth]. I remember that day vividly and have never lost the belief that it was the greatest vow I’ve ever made in my life, to follow Christ and remake my life in His image.

Without even asking me what my convictions were today, you made the assumption that I was not good enough to have use of your building because I did not come fill a pew on Sundays. You didn’t seem to care if I actually still believed in the vow I had previously made, only if I would physically be present in your building. As a young person in a church today, I should be able to interview all of you and ask, “What have you in your church that will edify me as a person in Christ? What do you have that will help me grow?” And I am also strong believer that one should not only take but give. Where are the younger peoples within your church for whom I could be a role model, as Christ requests that we be? We should not only be built up but help others build themselves. We should not only learn but teach. How would I be able to do this to a satisfying degree at your church?

You asked why I should be allowed to use the physical building your church body meets in to sanctify my marriage covenant before God. I thought my 17 years of attendance and my membership there, added upon the fact that I was hoping to make another important covenant with God in the same building I made my first vow with Him, would be enough. I was hoping the fact that I have grown and matured from the basis of what I first learned in that building would factor in. Instead, I was never asked about my faith. I was only asked about my physical presence. (And, if it even matters to the congregation, we have a youth minister close to me who is doing the ceremony and a minister close to my husband-to-be who is leading the pre-marital counseling, issues which also should have been questioned, as I believe they are also very important to this issue.)

I am sorely disappointed with this. I am also upset and disappointed that all my calls for assistance and requests for information were met with non-answers and lies about “getting back to me” at this time or another, with no response week after week. I see that my decision to attend a church body that edifies my faith and strengthens my convictions in Christ was the correct one. I am moving out of state after I am married to the second greatest gift God has seen fit to give me, second only to His own love and grace through Christ. Even if I weren’t, I can honestly say that I have not seen a attitude less full of grace, kindness, or love in Christ as the one I received from your congregation and would not want to be a part of such a body of people, even just to be a warm body in a pew every week to make you feel better about letting me use your physical building. My faith means more to me than that and I need growth, maturity, and love from the body of believers I meet with and learn from.

I wish to thank you for another lesson in the real world. Sometimes I find myself wanting to let God take over, completely, the cynical part of my mind, but it’s the reminders such as this one that make it so hard to do so. In spite of this new lesson, I will continue to ask for the faith to believe that people are not selfish and self-serving but can be loving and kind, especially those within the body of Christ.

Thank you for your attention to my feelings on this matter.

I am saddened by the attitude of this congregation. To be truthful with everyone and myself, though, I’m not surprised. I left for reasons that included such attention to making sure the pews were filled with “the right people” at the expense of strengthening their youth and edifying the existing population. People were unwilling to change or grow, instead ignoring the fact that, in order for anything to grow, younger members must be built up and helped along the way. Remaining stagnant will create decay and filth and does not promote growth of what is good, what is beautiful, what is uplifting.

Unfortunately, the swift and ever-increasing decline of their membership and attendance has not opened their eyes. They still will not see what is important is the faith of the members and not the number of bodies. *sighs and covers eyes, downturning head* My prediction, beginning at age 15, has come true. The church is almost dead…and there are no youth to carry on, no progeny to rebuild and regenerate. Blindness and pride have come full circle to decay and, soon, death of a group I once considered like family.