My last two jobs have vastly increased my level of cynicism toward the mass that we call humanity. I am now known (more than ever, more than likely) to give a doubtful benefit of doubt to one or two people I speak with on a daily basis but I hardly believe the person who tells me that our 800-number for them to see when their checks are to be mailed reported that the check was mailed yesterday and they should get it today…when there were no mailings yesterday and, indeed, the closest mailing date is today or tomorrow. Did you listen to it? Yeah, right.
What also has increased this cynicism unhealthfully is the fact that I have had to deal with a lot of those who have their hand out but give nothing in return. Those who feel I (or “society” as a whole or whomever) owe them something just because they breathe and take up the warmth that I so desperately need myself. (It really is cold here.) Those who mistreat their children and expect to get more because of it. Those who neglect their child’s needs and then say that it wasn’t their fault.
Reading this post by one of Neal’s friends got my temper up yet again. Just a week or two prior to reading that, I was told by one of our customer’s mothers (or, I should say, she yelled at me the following), “This is crap! You don’t pay me enough to take care of my kid!” before she slammed out of the area.
Sure, her child has a disability. Sure, she wasn’t “expecting” it when he was born. Sure, she should possibly be given some extra help to care for her child since he does require extra attention. I have no issue providing the funding for respite care to parents of children with disabilities. I have no problem providing the funding for parents to hire someone else to assist their child with the necessary life tasks (bathing, grooming, dressing, meal preparation, etc.) for the parents to be able to go back to their jobs.
I have issue with providing a parent funding to take care of their own child. When another woman berated me for not providing her with money to just WATCH her child, I was flabbergasted. Who has a child and then expects to be paid to just be with them? When yet another woman called and said she was told that she could be paid to take care of her child and I told her this was incorrect (we do have a rule that we don’t pay parents to take care of their minor children), she screamed at me that she knew it because she’d been told that it was so and she was told that other people get paid to do it so pay her, too, right now, damnit! When I told her she was misinformed but then told her that she could get assistance and someone else could get paid to take care of her child, she didn’t need help all of a sudden. Suddenly, the child could care mostly for himself.
This ticks me off more than almost anything. Sure, no parent expects to have a child who has an impairment or disability but every parent going in should know that it’s a distinct possibility. There are no guarantees in life and having a “perfectly” healthy child isn’t a right.
I’ve always said that if you aren’t ready for the responsibility to raise a child, you aren’t ready to be having sex. If you aren’t mature enough, financially stable enough, ready enough to “settle down” and care for what may happen if you have sex, you aren’t ready to be screwing around left and right either. When these mothers yelled at me about not getting enough to care for the child THEY had CHOSEN to spread their legs to conceive, it was all I could do to not remind them of this. And when I got off the phone? And spoke to my work counterpart? She shrugged and said, “Who made her lie down and spread ‘em?”, repeating my feelings exactly.
Reading this link that Neal sent to me set me off again while driving back from seeing him last weekend. I am inundated with women who think we owe them something, money specifically, for their possibly having had a few seconds of pleasure without thought for consequences.
My tax money isn’t to fund your ability to sit on your butt and neglect your child more (which we’ve seen, too: a parent getting paid for doing nothing and a child ending up being reported as neglected or abused). I don’t work so you can do nothing but get paid for pushing out kids. I know you probably didn’t “mean” to have a disabled child…but sex doesn’t guarantee you bluebirds and happiness for your entire life. As Kevin says, there are wonderful consequences to your little bit of “just having some fun” and if you aren’t man or woman enough to care about the result, love it, feed it, give it the attention and medical care it needs? Find someone else who is and let them care for your child for its lifespan. Just because you find this new person a burden and a hassle doesn’t mean that everyone will. You have nine months to plan what you are doing…and to find someone who is willing to raise your child accordingly, if that is what you decide.
Make the right choices and don’t make yourself a martyr: YOU chose to have sex. YOU chose to keep the child that resulted from the previous choice. YOU should live and deal with the consequences.
(PLEASE note this disclaimer that this is NOT a rant against those who are receiving medical benefits, food stamps, etc. to assist with the care of their child(ren). This is a rant against those who feel everyone is obligated to assist them and to pay THEM to care for their own child. That’s ludicrous and gets my ire everytime.)
What have OTHERS said in response?