As a (another) follow-up and to semi-tie two of my recent posts together, I give you this. (And, as a precursor to her writing that, her guest-post on another blog.)
I would apologize for the many links I’m bouncing off of lately but…these people are making me think, which makes them my kind of people. And I want to share this with my friends and family and to glean, in no matter how small of a part, what others think about so many things.
Mamacita has already inspired others to think as well.
I’m a bit intrigued by this blog, too. What? I already hear readers thinking. Is it possible to be 26 and a virgin? Especially for a guy? Well, I can’t vouch for men but, yes, it’s possible. And you know what? I agree with my doctor: It makes everything that much more special when it finally happens. See why I absolutely adore my physician? After my last visit she said, “I’d say, “God, bless your marriage”…but I think he’s already bestowed his blessing on it simply because of what the two of you have decided is right.”
Sex is everywhere and, as other posts say, it should be about choice. If I choose to remain a virgin until I’m married, who should ridicule my decision? You know, out of choosing to have sex or choosing to save myself, the easiest path would’ve been having random sex every night with someone new over choosing to stop short and refuse to lower myself that way just for that random pleasure. I’ve had to explain myself to almost everyone who’s asked me about this aspect of my life or my ring. I’m not ashamed of my choice and refuse to be embarrassed to answer the question. If someone feels comfortable enough asking me such personal questions, I have every right to tell them my viewpoints and beliefs without having to be embarrassed about it. And I could care not a whit less if they are embarrassed by my blunt answer.
Remember how I said that if you aren’t ready to deal with the consequences of sexual intercourse’s potential, you shouldn’t be having sex? I have not been ready to be a single mother. I have not been ready to raise a child and have not been financially stable enough to do so should anything happen. I refuse to bring another child into a world when it is not wanted. Yes, you heard me right. Any child of my own in my life right now would be unwanted. Is that selfish? Perhaps, but at least I know my own self-centeredness now and I don’t have to discover it after I’ve become pregnant with a casual encounter’s child only to have him leave and disappear, leaving me with a child to care for and bitterness to feed off. (But, no matter what, I still do not think of pregnancy as a parasitic condition. It’s a child that you’ve chosen to have by mete of your having chosen to *gasp* HAVE SEX! Which, in case you missed that day in middle school, may lead to PREGNANCY. Also, burning while peeing, genital itching, and other symptoms.)
My choice is right. For me. I am satisfied with my own moral decisions and personal decisions. If you want to laugh at me for my “naivete”, go ahead. (I know more about sex than some of my friends who are very sexually active, have been married, and have kids. They are often amazed with my knowledge. No, I don’t tout knowing what feels good but…that’s all opinion anyway. And I won’t be surprised going into having sex and wonder what the heck to do. There’s a lot to be said for just knowing enough about the human body in both forms in knowing what the heck is going on under the covers. *chuckles* One of my friends told me that her sex life changed for the better after a discussion with me. Figure that one out, eh?) If you want to giggle that I’ve reached my mid-twenties and I haven’t had several men between my legs, go ahead. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before. Heck, just last week I heard all about how it’s “gonna go” when I get married. Believe me, honey, I think I know what’s going to happen. I don’t need graphic details from you. (And who knows what happens in another person’s bedroom? Don’t we all differ in some ways? Or am I supposed to believe that all people are doing the same things, reacting the same ways, and choosing the same positions?)
I get all sorts of reactions, from “Why?” to “Is that possible at your age?” to “Don’t you want to?” to “Are you a prude?”
Let’s get one thing straight: I love the idea of sex and have normal passions and desires, if not ones that exceed what one normally feels a woman “should” have. I just know sex’s place and am willing to make it a priority and something that is important to me.
Wait? Did I say I was going to make sex a priority? Something that’s important to me?
Yes. I did.
My meaning? I want it to be something that I share with only one man, the man I make a lifetime covenant with. It is already a priority and, not having had it with every Tom, Dick, and Harry I’ve come across, it will be very important to me to have a fulfilling and excellent sex life when I do get married.
I know this post covers an area that I don’t normally talk about but I feel saddened by the oversexed culture I live in. Yes, there are some of us who choose, for whatever reason: moral, healthful, personal, or otherwise, that we do not need to have sex to have a fulfilling relationship. We don’t have to screw around to know if we are compatible with someone or if we love them.
I am 26 years old. I have not had sex. I will not until I’m married. That’s what’s called a choice. Sorry, my dear feminists, if that doesn’t fit your idea of a sexual revolution. Sorry, dear men, if I have let you down by not becoming a “free woman.”
I refuse to be a slave to my body and its desires. I refuse to let one moment of desire weaken what can be such a wonderful thing, a way of showing love to the one person who I’ve chosen and who has chosen me as a lifetime mate. I refuse to cheapen something that holds so much promise when to do so would, for me, make it less promising.
So laugh at me. Laugh at the woman who has made a choice to be strong in the face of temptation, in the face of pushing to “just do it” from others, in the face of ridicule. Laugh until you realize one thing: In today’s society, my choice has been a harder path. I have shown a strength of character that takes someone who can hold their head high and forge through all the people who tell her it’s not natural to not have sex with many partners, someone who can withstand attacks of character and thrown insults of thinking she’s better than everyone else (I’m not…I’ve made different choices that are mine and mine alone), someone who has lived through men who were only interested in her to attempt to make her succumb to desire and forget her beliefs and responsibilities, someone who has chosen to go against a majority of friends and family members who find the idea odd and ludicrous.
But someone who knows that this idea is right and good and fair to my future husband, someone who has believed this since she could think about the possibilities of sex and its consequences…and responsibilities.
And someone who, after looking around her and seeing how many problems sex can cause and how much pain it spreads, through disease, broken relationships, unexpected and/or unwanted pregnancies, loss of jobs and/or educational opportunites. Someone who has chosen to face taunts and ridicule over hurting others with loose treatment of something that, while fun, is a very serious subject.
And then tell me how much humour remains in your laughter.
(The title of this does not imply that I see myself as a role model. Far from it. It is in response to Mamacita’s idea that we place too much emphasis on “celebrities” as being role models when, in fact, they are nothing that I want to be. You decide for yourself: Hence the question mark.)
(Also, should I place this disclaimer now?: The total views of those to whom I link may not completely reflect the views of this post-writer herself. Just most of ‘em. *winks*)
I find it interesting that this subject has come up as much as it has. Either the people you know are more up front about it, you are, or both, heh. Because yeah, while I haven’t really hidden the fact that I am a virgin (so yes, apparently you can make it a year past your own age–almost, I know–as a male and still be a virgin), and that I like it that way.
I just haven’t had all that many discussions this direction, which I’m not sure is a good or a bad thing. But when it does come up, I mention it, and people oddly enough haven’t even focused on that much. Wonder why people do for you.
But yeah… this is a good way to be: I’m glad I’ve waited for you rather than wasting this experience on some other person that wouldn’t even be around anymore in my life, you know?
And goodnes… that “Tom, Dick, and Harry” bit still kills me. *laughs some more* You crack me up! TQ!
It doesn’t have anything to do with being so up front on anyone’s part. You went to a Christian college and surrounded yourself with people who think the same as you (in large part). I went to a secular school, had many non-Christian friends (and still do), and have been blessed with having many of them be blunt and honest with me. I, in return, was able to be blunt and honest right back…and was able to, I hope, show them something new, something they weren’t use to. I didn’t drink alcohol until after I was away from people who did it all the time so I didn’t fall into that “stumbling block” category (meat sacrificed to idols kinda thing. Although even now, I have specifications to drinking alcohol and don’t do it often. I can’t even remember the last time I felt the desire to do so. And I never have because others were. I made sure everyone knew my reasons and regs on that. And anyone I hang out with knows that I’m pretty attached to my beliefs and I’m not about to do anything just because “everyone else is doing it.”)
Oh, and guys tend to fixate on it for obvious reasons. And, well, I’m not the “norm” in my groups of friends or in my family usually. *shrugs* You are. I’m normally the anomaly of a group. In fact, my sister told me a year ago that I’m the only virgin she knows. *chuckles* See? Rare.
In your life, with your friends, your family? Not so abnormal.
I think you’re both FANTASTIC!!!!!!!