Step back before the attack.

I found a wonderful quote over at Mamacita’s site.

“Do not think of knocking out another person’s brains because he differs in opinion from you. It would be as rational to knock yourself on the head because you differ from yourself ten years ago.”

–Horace Mann

This really reminds me of an old blog post I wrote (also my disclaimer) some time ago when Neal and I were both having issues with friends. As I said then:

Differences of opinion, as I mentioned in my last post, are just that. Many opinions have weight and merit. Many views hold value simply because of the strong value system of the person behind the view. If you convince me that you have thought something through and have valid, logical reasons behind your belief, I can see things your way. I may not agree. I may hold a differing value to be important to me but I can concede your way is not wrong, merely not mine.

And I truly believe that, even today. Sure, time has passed, but I really don’t feel as though I will ever believe I am right in everything. But I will also not believe that my personal opinions are wrong when there are just differing views and tastes coming into play. There is a nice balance between realizing you were wrong and realizing that you both believe different things, yet you are both right in your own way. Small things in life are like that. My favorite color is blue. Yours? Different? That’s not an issue.

I really don’t see why people feel as though they can be caught up in our decisions regarding engagement rings, children (to have or not), paint fumes, or whether I prefer red clay dirt or rich, dark loam. None of those things attack you. None of my personal opinions should make you angry enough to attack me (and none of Neal’s should make you angry enough to attack him in word or deed). We’ve both had this happen, though, for many reasons. Some attacking have been people we considered friends, at one point. Some have been complete strangers. Others have been online acquaintances. No matter the person who spewed their anger at us (generally in email), Neal and I were both shocked to be on the receiving end of such vitriol and vehemence.

Who am I that I make you doubt your beliefs? For what other reason should you be angered by my loving the color blue (for instance)? I am not hurting you by not having an engagement ring. We are not endangering your way of life by not having children. If we choose to live most of our lives off-line, does it really concern you (especially if you yourself personally choose to not be a part of our off-line life)?

I reserve the right to defend my beliefs and opinions, as I have carefully thought them out. As I mentioned above, facts and arguments may sway me, but be aware that I have a lot of careful thought and research into my strongly held beliefs and opinions. And something so insignificant as my favorite color shouldn’t enrage you anyway.

I realize some beliefs and opinions are stronger than others. My faith. My love. My friends. Certain life decisions. But until my thought encroaches upon your life in an obtrusive manner, please don’t attack. Sheath the claws and step back for a minute, examining your motives.

Do you know me? Do you REALLY know me? Are you simply angry because I disagreed with you? Or are my beliefs actually harming you and your life in some way? Are my beliefs harming ME and MY life in some way? Enough that you, who may not even know me well, feel that you should step in and correct me?

We can’t simply be stimulus leading to reaction. We aren’t amoebas (thank you, Gary Larson). There simply MUST be stimulus leading to THOUGHT leading to an appropriate reaction. Take a moment to judge your motives. Take a moment to judge your own beliefs as well as your own reactions.

Take a moment to decide if it’s worth your time to attack or if your life will be the same tomorrow whether I know you hate my thoughts or not.