It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
-Alan Cohen
And, boy, are we ready to embrace some change. It seems, though, the more I want change, the less change seems to happen in our lives. In the past year, Neal and I were looking forward to several changes that we had planned for the upcoming year.
We were hoping that Neal would find a new job in a small college (or perhaps at a private college prep high school) that would allow him some greater teaching opportunities, which he is desperately seeking.
We were hoping to have a new apartment—and possibly new city—to move to, which is semi-happening. We decided to move to a different apartment in this building (actually, we’ll be living in the apartment that the “nice,” rowdy boys currently live in), but we were hoping to move somewhere a little larger or with less stupidity. Unfortunately, we went with less hassle and less money over all that. As for the new city, that just didn’t work out due to the above (and below) reasons. (Unfortunately, Mamacita, as we were looking forward to some of the natural areas and cultural insights that you’ve told us about.)
We were hoping I’d be working toward my graduate degree, but that hasn’t worked out at either university I applied to. I’m thinking we need to either save up tons more money or win the lottery in order for this to be feasible. Ugh. I think we’ve decided to hold off my applying elsewhere until we actually know where we end up in the next few years. We’re hoping to end up somewhere that I can also get my degree, netting me the in-state tuition instead of the higher out-of-state tuition and also taking out the moving factor that tends to present an even bigger monetary problem.
Plans for the next year include Neal looking for a position where he’ll be happy (I’m rooting for Canada or Britain—well, one can always dream, right?) and where I can later get my degree (Vancouver, anyone? Yes, this is on my short list anyway, but we’ve decided I’m not applying there unless a good position opens up for at least one of us.)
Who knows where we’ll end up. Heck, we could end up right back here, yet again, but we are both hoping not. We’re ready for change, for some “movement in life.”
We both really need the vacation this past weekend, mainly due to all the crappy news (beyond the above even) we’ve been receiving lately. Getting away from it all really helped clear our heads and refocus our eyes to what we really want, and we do want some change, some end in sight to the goals we’ve set for ourselves, but at this point, we haven’t really had our beginning yet.
You aren’t kidding about needing to get away. It felt so good to head out, and the weekend was busy and tiring enough that it felt really good to come home. Which is just what a good weekend away should be like. I enjoyed sharing it all with you, and going to Canada with you was great, even if we had to deal with tough border security, hehe (fear the Christmas tree in our trunk! Fear it!).
The ending, and there is always more than one ending, doesn’t necessarily have to accompany the original beginning, you know. You begin, and begin, and begin, and there are no endings. You end one beginning and morph into a new beginning that may or may not have its own ending.
The really interesting beginnings use endings that were not originally their own.
That being said, it’s not the beginning or the ending that is important, you know. It’s the middles, because that is where the adventure lies.
Sending you as many good wishes as there are stars in the sky, as always.
Love.
Neal, I fear the Christmas tree. It poked me while we were putting it up!
Mamacita, I’m definitely enjoying the middle of many things right now and agree the adventures are here. *sighs* I guess we’re just disappointed because so many beginnings that we were truly desiring for the next few months never began. I’m also a bit upset because I don’t know where this is leading us (which isn’t always necessary or guaranteed, I understand). The middle certainly is the adventure but I was looking forward to moving to a new area. It’s helpful to feel good wishes, loving thoughts, and winged prayers right now, though.
And I’ll add that your above comment has me remembering one of my favorite songs that serves to remind me that every new day is a beginning of something, even if just a small glimmer of change in myself. And sometimes the middle is right where we’re supposed to be anyway, if only for the experience that will help in the new beginning somewhere in the future. I know this, but it doesn’t mean I’m satisfied with it right now. Your words have helped, though, with some of the dissatisfaction I’m feeling.