I have a pet peeve. Okay, I have lots, but one in particular is on my mind right now. We have a family member — let’s call him Family Member Z — who seems to have a gratitude problem. Every year, whether we are at the family gathering or not, we give Z a Christmas present that we have painstakingly picked out. (Yes, I really mean “painstakingly,” too. Z is the most difficult person to find a present for that I have ever met.) We wrap it lovingly (as you know from how much effort I put into wrapping gifts for everyone) and take care with making sure he has something to open from us on that special day. We usually do pretty good for getting gifts, too, which amazes me every single year, because I am just never quite sure whatever we get is something he’ll use.
Every single year, we never receive so much as a “thank you,” whether we are there in person or not. This year, it’s already March and as far as we know, he never even opened it. (Okay, I lied. We know he opened it because others were there and saw him using the present immediately, but we haven’t heard anything from him.) Normally when we are there in person, he throws a gift card he got the day before at us on Christmas, but this year we haven’t even heard “thank you for your thoughtful gift” or “go bite me” or, well, anything at all in return.
I’ve decided that I’m done searching for Z’s gift. As Miss Manners says, “If they don’t say ‘thank you,’ then they probably didn’t want a gift. You should problem not burden them with one again.” Sure, I’ll throw a gift card at him when next we see him, but I’m not taking any time with getting him anything else again. He apparently doesn’t need or want the gifts we have been giving, so I’m done taking all that time to search and find something nice for him to disregard.
I would totally confront him. I’d call him and be like, “Did you get the gift we gave you?”
When he says, “Yeah.”
I’d be like, “Well? [Awkward pause] Aren’t you going to say thank-you??!!
But I’m a mean person. So, you know…
If I were my immediate family, I’d definitely be saying something, but that’s just how my family rolls! When it’s not my own immediate family, I have learned to tread cautiously, unfortunately for me.
Here, here! And by the way, I will add that I am done inviting people to events who NEVER make it a point to show up even when you take their scheudle into consideration, NEVER have the courtesy to respond to the “Regrets Only” listed on the invite, NEVER come with a gift but expect one from you at their events even going so far as to list in the invite what gifts would be appropriate, and NEVER even remember when the event was in the first place and have to be reminded repeatedly. Inconsiderate and ungratefuls of the world you are no longer invited!
I’m so sick of the gifts-expected mentality, to be honest. We are living on a strict budget because of Neal’s job situation lately, and I have to say that we have cut back on the gifts to people who “expect” them over the people who are actually pleased and grateful when we give them something. I never expect gifts from people and generally don’t care if I get something in return. (I also hate opening gifts in front of people, but that’s my own weird quirk.) I do, however, expect at least acknowledgment that you received the darned thing!
By the way, the people who are the least likely to be givers are the most likely to expect gifts and accolades whenever they are around. I just don’t understand that! Ugh.
I agree with your decision to not buy him presents anymore, give him a 5 dollar coffee store card from now on. THANK you haha.
I know! It’s not like I expect a present back even, just a simple acknowledgment would be nice. Egads.